It's been awhile and not sure where to begin but perhaps what happened to me and my family last week is what I want to share most. Let me start off by saying that I am feeling great and I will get answers as I have a full life ahead of me.
As many of you know and can relate, raising children is stressful, raising a child with special needs is 10x's the stress. Why? Let's just say sleep deprivation, always worrying if they will have a good day, thinking about their social well-being, concerned about their future, making sure we are making financially sound decisions so they will be taken care of in the future, and I can go on and on. We add our everyday life of work and family and we are non-stop! But sometimes we need to take a step back and realize that we need to take care of ourselves. Without health and sanity, we cannot provide for our loved ones, especially those that need us most.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with some chest pains that was radiating to my back and down my arm. Although I felt fine, given my family history, I knew I needed to get checked out so I did. I was on my way to work and thought to myself, I'll go later but I started to think of my family and decided it should not wait. I drove myself to an ER that morning at 8:30 and explained my symptoms and family history. They immediately started running every test possible. As I sat there ALL DAY and actually feeling good, all the tests that they were conducting were coming back negative. I was feeling relieved and even made some work phone calls from the hospital bed. I wanted to leave but they were in the middle of a 3 step test that can take up to 24 hours. I called my husband and was acting like a big baby saying I need to leave, everything is fine- why do I need to stay, this place is going to cause me to have a heart attack!!!!!! After speaking to family members that are in the medical field, they advised me to stay so I did.
My husband, mother, and sister in law (who happens to be a nurse practitioner) all left because I was going home soon. Just needed one more blood draw to confirm that I did not have a heart attack, I felt confident it would come back negative and they would send me home. My youngest son, niece and nephew stayed with me and we were having a lovely conversation as they were just keeping me company. All the sudden, around 7pm and for no apparent reason, my heart-rate and blood pressure dropped drastically. The alarms all started sounding and my son, niece and nephew ran out to get help because I was passing out. Something came over my body, heat and sweat from head to toe and I become incoherent. Although I was unable to decipher what was going on, I heard codes being called and I heard "crash cart". I felt my Dad's spirit and saw my husband and kids flash in front of me. I said to myself, this is not my time!! Thankfully I was able to come too on my own. I was admitted into ICU for further testing and mostly close monitoring. Thursday night I was released with inconclusive results but on the positive, my heart and labs all look great!
This could very well be a one- time event (hoping so of course) but I don't know and either do any of the doctors. I am following up with my doctors for further testing and hopefully we can figure this out.
Was it stress? Was it anxiety? I honestly do not believe so but my friends (whom say I am stubborn, lol) may disagree. I have taken this weekend to reflect and to come up with a plan because after all this is what I do. I do think this is a wake up call from up above and somehow my Dad was a part of this. I am on overload and perhaps it's catching up to me. Us warrior moms really need to take it as easy as possible (much easier said then done) but at this point I may not have a choice so this is what 2017 will look like for me and perhaps you should all consider these changes as well!
- Need everything written out for my husband and family members- God forbid anything happens to me, will my husband know what to do for my special needs child? As much as he is involved, I have always taken care of everything. It's really important that our significant others and close family members are aware of everything that needs to be in place for our children.
- Taking more time for myself- doesn't mean spending money or elaborate vacations although that does sound wonderful and perhaps what the doctor may order, lol. I mean just putting the phone and computers away and watching silly reality shows or just going outside and playing more with my kids. Calling my mom or friends and saying let's go to lunch! Impromptu dates with my hubby sounds good too.
- Slowing down- it's okay to get to things or to reply to emails the next day. It's okay to wait on cleaning the house or running errands. I need to work on my OCD and my need to please everyone 110% of the time. I need to realize that I am still doing a great job and I can wait a little to get to things. This is my hardest area to work on but made a promise to my creator that I would. At this point, I need too.
- Drop everything and listen to my kids (and husband too)- I have actually been working on this as it was a promise I made to them this summer but making sure I don't stop is what I need to keep in mind
- Learn to ask for help- what what?? I'm superwoman, I don't need anyone! Yes I do, we all do! Leaving my stubborn self and superhero powers behind me.
Life lesson learned. I got it and I hope you can relate to me and take my advice. I want to be around for my family, friends, and all my amazing clients that I get to work with everyday. Thank you for all the calls, thoughts and prayers. I'm a lucky one and I know that very well. I turned to my church yesterday and made a promise. I also prayed for all my friends and family that are sick or going through really difficult times. Life is not easy but we need to make the best of it while we have a chance at it. Looking forward to the new and less stressed me!