Raising a child with an exceptionality is the most difficult thing to do.   This is life long, this is your forever baby, this is your forever job, this is your forever.....forever! As my children continue to grow up, my worries are so different with each of them. With my oldest I worry about him making the right career decisions. My youngest has me worrying about how he manages his education and sports (and all the drama that comes with that- that will be an interesting blog in the future. lol)  My middle child..... my child with special needs,  I worry about his every move, his safety, the people that surround him, his daily schedule, his upcoming doctor appointments, his therapy appointments, keeping him happy, making sure he continues to thrive, his future, how we will support him forever, and the list goes on and on. Parents that walk in my shoes completely understand where I am coming from.  In addition to all these worries, we all have relationships to maintain and sometimes that can be challenging.  

I already wrote about marriage and thankfully my husband is amazing and deals with my craziness.  I must say that I have fabulous friends as well that I think understand my life but again, unless you live it you really don't get it.  Through the years, my clients and I become pretty close and at times they come to me just for advice.  I often see on their social media posts, specifically "Fakebook", that they go through some challenges with their friendships and relationships. This is what I tell them.

You need to surround yourself with people that are going to be understanding and sensitive to your situation.  You need to surround yourself with people that have your back 24/7 and if you can't call them regularly and they get upset, time to wish them the best!  You need to surround yourself with people that if you were ever in a situation that you need them to be there, they will be.  You need people in your life that are not embarrassed by your situation and that embrace and love your children as if they are family.  You need friends that if you are too exhausted and have a last minute change of plans, they will understand.  You need people in your life that even if you don't see them for a year, when you do see them it seems like it was just yesterday and you can pick up where you left off from. You need to surround yourself with people that accept your dreams, your life goals, and your reality as it may be very different then theirs.  In my opinion if you have to work at it, it's time to move on.  We need our energy for our children as this is our "forever".

Social media can be great for keeping up with family and friends but it can also be very stressful.  We see our friends take these amazing trips, beautiful family pictures, celebrating milestones, and everyday activities. Although we of course want to celebrate with our friends, this can be very painful to many.  Why?  Because it may never be a reality that we share  those same experiences.  I do enjoy social media and I share my vacations, celebrations, and fun nights as well but if I posted when my son had another meltdown or sleepless night then my friends would just feel sorry for me.  Who wants that? You may look at my page and think I have this perfect life, it is far from perfect! We have to always remember that social media only shows us 1/2 (or less) of what happens in our friends lives. We can't get caught up in it and we need to always focus on all the good and the team of people we have in our lives. There are good days and bad and I only hope that the good outweigh the bad.  Pick your friends wisely and set them free if they are not meant to be. Life is to short and our forever babies need us to be happy and healthy 😊

So your probably thinking what does a selfie have to do with it? So much my friends, so much. We have all at least taken one in our life. Sometimes we take them to show excitement, sometimes to share a special moment in time, or sometimes because we feel damn good about the way we look and feel. But......... how many apps do we have that "beautify" the picture even more? Come on, let's be honest! There are apps that take away our wrinkles, make us tan, make us look skinny, even ones that can give us a better nose or longer hair. It's crazy! After we make all the changes, then it goes into approval mode and the decision is made to post it or not all over social media.   My friends and I even have an understanding that NOTHING is posted unless it is approved by all! Who is with me on this?

My son loves to look at himself in the mirror. He is adorable so I wonder if he does it because he likes what he sees? It's actually been a great educational tool for him that has helped him learn so much. From emotions to imitation, he has learned so much using a mirror. I have always said that the reflection he sees is the only person that truly understands him. Maybe that's why he is always looking in the mirror? Maybe that's why he has learned so much from it? Lately, he has been taking selfies. He loves to go back to them and look at them. What is he looking at and what does he think about the picture he sees? Now a days, from phones to tablets and even computers have the capabilities to take pictures and of course "selfies". I wonder if he knew about these apps, would he use them? What would he want to change?

I always say I am jealous of him! He doesn't have a care in this world and his smile is contagious. I don't think he cares about his looks and often wonder if he sees the perfect child we see or does he see his disability? Does he see his differences? If there was an app to change who he is, would he? I often wonder.......

It's back to school time and I always have such mixed emotions. Sure I am glad my kids are back in school but I hate the reality that they are getting older (and so am I), lol. Seriously, where does time go? My middle schooler is like "whatever mom" "it's no big deal". I try to prepare him for what to come with friends, girls, making the right decisions. We have such a great mother/son relationship that he comes to me with everything and he asks me what things mean. I tell him straight up! The honest truth! Sometimes he wishes he didn't ask. I would rather him learn from me then anyone else.

My high schooler and I lay here on this rainy afternoon and I try to explain to him he will be at a new school. We look up the school on the iPad and I try to explain to him that he will be in a new classroom with new friends. I tell him his teacher's name and he tells me "BOO, Happy Halloween"! Gotta love Autism. We laugh and I keep trying to speak to him so simplistically and realize he thinks I am "cray cray". He then tries to tickle me and even tells me "you crazy". This is our awesome relationship but you see the differences with my boys? Wow!!!

How can I prepare him for what to come when he doesn't understand 80% of what I am telling him? What if he is not feeling well? What if he is just wanting to know what's next? What if he is just thirsty and wants something to drink? What if he just needs a break? Sure we have read social stories, done drive bys, attended a tour and a meet and greet but what about all the simple things?

These are real concerns that so many of us loose sleep over. I can only write or explain so much. His IEP is only going to tell them so much, what about everything else? He would need to have a 40 page IEP to get a better understanding of where he has come from and all he can really do. Our story is like so many. It makes it harder that my kids are not in the same school and sometimes staff is intimidated by me although they don't need to be. My husband every year reminds me not to scare the new teacher. I would never..... J

Although I'm not concerned with my middle schooler, of course I always worry because that is what we do.

My high schooler? Of course I'm nervous but I am excited for him at the same time. The staff at his school is exceptional and we will of course support any needs he may have. It's all going to work out, I just know it. He is so ready for this, we are so ready for this. I will remain calm, I will sleep tonight, and I will wake up like every other morning with a smile on my face. I hope all the parents that read this do the same.

Wishing all your children a wonderful 2015/2016 school year. Until next time...

During our family vacation last week, I stayed back at the cabin instead of going kayaking.  I missed out on fun times with my family because I was an idiot and tore a ligament in my foot.  Besides that, I missed my middle son terribly.  Why do I miss him?  Because I decided not to bring him.  I wanted my stepson (who traveled from another state) and my youngest son to be able to enjoy their father while on vacation without having to worry about their brother. Selfishly, I cannot relax at all when he is around either.  Since we were visiting a new place and another family would be sharing our house with us, I was also concerned with the "unknown".  Would he keep others awake? Would he hate the house? Would he be bored?  Would having all the family together stress him out? You just never know with our children! I was suppose to have a different itinerary with my boy, I was planning on taking him on new adventures but because I was in a walking boot, I was limited.   

This sucks, why does it have to be so complicated?  I wish I would have done things so differently.  I am always so concerned about making sure he is happy and not bothering others that I don't spend enough time preparing him for the real world. You see, he is loud at times, he scripts constantly, he gets so frustrated that he will aggressively meltdown and sleep.... he does not believe in that.  So you see why I avoid certain situations, actually a lot of situations?  It's just easier this way.  Why do I do this? Why do so many do this?  He has a right to do what everyone else does and if he screams through it, others just have to accept it.  Problem is, I just can't let that happen.  

I am a people person and pleaser. I don't want anyone to ever feel bothered by my son.  I don't want anyone to ever think that he is some kind of "out of control" child that we as parents just let him do whatever he wants.    I also don't want attention drawn to me or my family.  Let's face it, it's just easier to avoid these situations and everyone is happy.  But this is NOT the right thing to do.  Should I just avoid every situation because it's the "easiest" thing to do?  Is this in all of our best interest? 

The answer is NO and I wish I had more guidance when my son was younger.  I should have put him in a plane, I should have taken him on all our vacations, I should take him to all dinners, I should have put him in sports, I should have taken him EVERYWHERE!!!!! We did have a terrible experience once on a beach vacation when he was about 6 years old. We were at the hotel pool and this ugly person made a comment to me that Autism was just an excuse for my son's behavior and he was tired of hearing this! Now if you know me, you would expect me to be writing right now that I lost my mind on this individual. I actually froze up because I was in shock and my nephew stepped in. This ruined me. I fight and advocate everyday of my life for so many children yet for my own, this experience has taken a part of that away.  Awareness is much greater 9 years later yet we still hear things happening all the time.  

Although he is so happy being home, he loves his caretakers and our family.  I am truly blessed but it sucks when my youngest is effected by him not being with us.  If I can change one thing..... I would go back to the day when we learned of his diagnosis  and I would have not changed a thing.  I would have ignored what that ugly person told me at the pool and perhaps we would have done things differently.  All I can do now is move on and work towards more integration, work towards equality, work towards teaching society acceptance and awareness.  Don't judge as when you look at a picture of my son, you don't see Autism.  You see a young handsome man who happens to have Autism.  

Our new journey with all this is that he will be attending a new school this fall at our traditional neighborhood school. Although I am scared out of my mind (it's 1:30am right now and I can't sleep), this is what my son needs. I have to try it, we have to give it a chance and give him this opportunity. Wish us luck!

Why do our children have moments like this? Why it that with a blink of an eye, they can start to exhibit excessive behaviors and with no clear reason?  Sure every behavior has a function but he goes from happy to sad within 2 seconds.  He repeats several words that have nothing to do with the moment.  He can slap, kick, and even put a hole in a wall.  Then when it's all over, he hugs you and acts like nothing every happened.  Moments like this I question what demon took over my son and why can't this demon just go away forever?

Not sure about other parents but when this happens I have to ask myself, what am I do wrong? Is this going to be my life forever? WHY ME? 

I do not believe I have done anything wrong.  I am a good person, a reliable daughter and friend, and I think a great mom! I know how to handle this.  I help my clients all the time with advice on how to deal with different situations but why can’t I fix this with my own child?

Yes, this is my life forever.  Not exactly what I had in mind when I said, “I do” which by the way, I fainted at the alter shortly after those words came out of my mouth.  Was that some sort of indication that my life was about to turn upside down?  No lie and no exaggeration- passed out cold in my beautiful gown right next to my handsome groom.   

I am grateful for my life and all God has given me.  I mean everyone does tell me God would not give me anything I can't handle....
After all, I can handle anything right?  Whenever anyone tells me this, is it bad that I want to punch him or her?  I mean SERIOUSLY!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!! BREATHE!!!!!! I  know my family and friends mean well but that has to be the most ridiculous statement.  The more I think about it, the more irritated I get.  So the parents that can’t handle it are saved from having a child with special needs? And who determines who can handle what? 

So what do we as parents do?  I cry, I second-guess every decision I have every made, and I start to feel sorry for myself. Yup, that's what I do for all of 10 seconds because I have no time for this.  I need to quickly become therapist/marriage counselor/family counselor.  I need to get through this one and try to figure out why it happened.  I will not second-guess decisions I made and will fight on because he is my boy and we are in this together.  Do I worry about his future? Everyday... Do I worry about my husband and kids? Everyday... Do I worry about my health and sanity?  Everyday... Do I worry that he is going to high school? You have no idea- Just wait for that blog in a few weeks.

This is just a snapshot of what many parents including myself go through.  If you want to be a good friend and support to us, don't tell us God would not give us anything we can't handle!  Be sensitive to what you share with us because more then likely, our dreams have changed and our lives and future plans may be very different then yours.  I am trying to juggle my marriage, my relationship with all my children, multiple schedules, my friendships and my career.  I am doing the best I can, we all do the best we can but sometimes we are tired.  See- this is all okay!  I write, I get to work with amazing families, I have a beautiful family of my own, I run, and of course I drink wine.  This is my super power, what's yours? Cheers!

I have been at this for sometime now that my son is a teenager.  I have been that parent (and still am) that will listen and ask other parents for ideas or advice on new therapies or therapists, treatments, doctors, etc.…  I see parent groups on social media sites and/or the Internet support groups give their recommendations or share resources that they have used. It certainly helps having that support but parents really need to make decisions that are best for their unique situations. 

As a parent, I understand first hand that we do the best we can for our children that I will mention did NOT COME WITH A MANUAL, UGH! Making decisions or hiring different professionals to work with our children is by no means an easy task.  As a matter of fact, it is one of the most difficult decisions to make.  Everyone has an opinion about everything and some are extremists.  Everyone has their personal experiences or their children have had experiences that then dictate their opinion on the matter.  We have to all realize that we all have different expectations of our children, we all perceive our children’s strengths and weaknesses in different ways, and to be totally honest, we are not always realistic with our children’s capabilities.  Now before you tell me where to go, read me out. We must ALWAYS set the bar high, we must always push our children to reach their full potential, and we must NEVER give up!

Unfortunately, our children and all that comes with having a disability can be advantageous to some.  We hear of a new type of therapy that costs thousands of dollars, a new medication or diet that cures our children, a school that sounds to good to be true, or the best… a pill that makes our children verbal. I have seen and heard it all.  As parents, we are open to trying because who knows?  We will never know unless we try.  The amount of money that is spent and hours put in is inconceivable. 

Advocates, the “A” word.  Where do I begin?  I feel that the word “advocate” has been taken way to far.  The stories I hear are insane.  Since when did becoming an advocate mean disrespectful, unprofessional, degrading, knowing it all, and why must they YELL? The fee is what?  Why would anyone want to go into a situation and make it worse for a student?  Why would anyone want to have a good teacher or therapist reconsider his or her career? The kicker here is, does the “advocate” even know the child?  Now, before you yell at me again, read me out!  I have been in situations where mistakes have been made, environments that were not conducive for a student that adjustments needed to be made, classroom changes were non-negotiable, and IEP’s were poorly written and/or not being followed but this can all be rectified with understanding student and parental rights, understanding the child’s needs, and working collaboratively with the team.  You can respectfully agree to disagree and try to work out a solution.  When that is not possible, you exercise your rights as a parent to file for a mediation and/or due process. 

Having a child with a disability keeps me on my toes 24/7.  His future and his success is my #1 concern.  Because of this, of course I am forever stressed.  I have a lifelong situation with my child and all I want is the very best for him.  I do not and should not have to constantly fight!  I want to effectively “advocate” for him and create the best damn team possible so my son reaches his full potential. So my son can be as independent as possible.   I will spoil all that work with my son, make them feel beyond appreciated, and support them as they support him.  This has worked since I started this journey and this has helped many families that I have the opportunity to work with. 

Do your homework and research before bringing anyone on your team.  Make sure everyone understands your goals and that all work together. Try to take things day by day and celebrate the accomplishments when possible.  Life is to short and our children need us around as long as possible. Be healthy and smile, our children not only need that but feel that.